Being a mom has proven to me that time does not stand still. Every time I look at Miles and Lauren I see them differently, a little chubbier, a little more lean. More words spoken, more coos cooed. I find myself worrying that I am not documenting enough, that I am going to forget exactly what is happening at every given moment. I find myself leaning for my camera or my phone to document 'this very moment' for fear that the memory is not going to be saved within me. Sadly however, I feel like I am thinking too much about pictures and videos that I am not enjoying the moment for what it is. "How can I crop this picture? How can I frame the shot to make it look perfect?" These are questions that I often think first when really, I should be enjoying the fleeting occurrence that will surely be gone too soon. Maybe we aren't supposed to remember everything, that only certain things are meant to bubble to the top when we are recalling our past.
I am conflicted, stuck in a place of documenting too much and not quite enough.
Will my children be happy with the amount of photos taken of them? Will they resent me for always having the camera in their face?
A variation of the Winnie the Pooh quote is one I say almost every day. Today, is my favorite day. It helps to remind me to stay present in the moment. To not dwell on the past and to not anticipate the future but rather to be here now. Be here to build block towers, blow bubbles, cuddle and watch cartoons, just be available when they need me.
My dad often quotes a bible verse, 'Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it'. I find so much truth in that. This day is only going to be here once and for a short time so let's enjoy it for what it is. Even if that means not documenting every occurrence with a picture or video but a memory seared into our mind.
I'm not going to stop taking pictures, or stop looking for the perfect light, or thinking of a witty caption -- I am going to take pictures with more intention. Is 'this very moment' something that I can sacrifice a moment to capture a picture? Is it worth getting my camera out for fear that it is going to pass too soon?
My kids are changing so fast and I want to be completely present for them.
Will my children be happy with the amount of photos taken of them? Will they resent me for always having the camera in their face?
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